My friend wanted to have a burrito for lunch today, something he’s never done before. In fact, today was his first time eating a burrito. I didn’t want to go because the burrito store was far away (only a 5 minute walk actually hehe) and I just had a pizza. As we enter the burrito store, I see one of the girls that I was trying to get with at the beginning of the year and she was having lunch with another guy (her sister’s boyfriend). They are close friends because they attended the same high school and the guy’s also dating her older sister (she’s hot). I spoke to him a few times before, he’s a cool guy.
I saw the girl last week at school, we quickly walked by each other, we said hi, I texted her saying, “it was nice seeing you today.” No response. Deleted her number from my phone.
To no surprise, they saw me, he kind of chuckled and said something to her, she turned around at me and gave the obligatory wave. He also waved afterwards. Never in my life, have I felt so inferior. I was reduced to a chuckle. My game is that laughable that even he was laughing, I’m pretty sure she filled him in on everything. It was very embarrassing, I felt like I was skating on thin ice and the ice was about to collapse at any minute. While I was waiting in line with my friend, he was talking but I wasn’t paying attention. I was just wondering how we can get out of here without having to see them again. Moments of vulnerability and shame like this make me realize how soft and self-conscious I am even though I feign confidence. I was reduced to nothing. My friend meanwhile, had no idea what shame and melancholy I was experiencing. Every passing second, became an eternity for me. I would never want to experience something like that again.
This is what the game does to you. You go through the worst moments and the best moments. This experience just made me want to give up game and not attempt to hit on a girl for a very long time. Every girl that I’ve hit on lately, has rejected me but none in this fashion. My despondency cannot be repaired by anything at the moment, I’m extremely hopeless. I just want to say forget the game and forget women altogether. Sleep is a cowardly form of refuge but it’s the only form of solace I have.
“O, I am fortune’s fool.” –Romeo and Juliet (Act 3, Scene I)
Deus Ex Machina 