Fortune Favours the Brave

I know I haven’t blogged in a while, my apologies. I’ve been very busy with school lately. Speaking of school, this post is actually gonna be about something that took place in school. As I’m walking to class with a bounce in my step on a monday morning, I tell myself I’m gonna try and make friends with a hot girl from my class. As I walk into the lecture hall (early), I see the class is half full so I have the freedom to basically sit where I want. I choose to sit beside a cute blonde girl who looks friendly. As I set beside her and get my self settled, I’m racking my brain on how to start a conversation with her. I spontaneously end up starting a conversation with her by asking her about the professor and what she thinks about her. I tell her I think the prof is relatively young and she agrees with me. We go on to talk about other inane things, just to build rapport. The class starts and we barely talk besides exchanging a few lines here and there. I make her jump through a hoop by asking her to watch my stuff while I step out to use the washroom. She easily agrees.

In order to be successful in picking up girls in class, I think it’s crucial to go to class a bit early so you have time to talk before class starts. The only time you’ll really get to talk to girls in class is: before, after or on rare occasions when the professor gives you a break halfway through the class. At the end of the class, I tell her I’ll see her next week and we go  our separate ways.

The following week (which was last week), I go to class and see her already there, I sit beside her and we start chatting. I noticed that she’s in another one of my classes as well so I mention it, she’s surprised and we start talking about that class. It’s quite interesting to see how this develops because in that class I sit with two friends and they’re both girls. So, if she sees me in that other class sitting with two girls, that should be a demonstration of higher value in itself [preselection]. Even though one of them is my best friend’s girlfriend, all that matters is that she sees me with those two girls and that should make her wonder why they would be sitting with me if I wasn’t a cool, interesting guy?

Ironically, as I’m leaving my history class with my two female friends this week, I see her and we make eye contact. She says hi and asks how I’m doing etc. Pre-selection is important in game and since I have it, it should considerably increase my chances. Hopefully, she isn’t taken. Now I don’t know if I should ask for this chick’s number, I’m thinking it’s too early and she doesn’t really know me that well. As I’m writing this, I realize that we don’t even know our name since I haven’t introduced myself to her haha. I actually did that on purpose because I wanted her to ask for my name, so that’ll tell me whether or not she’s interested. The only thing I actually know about her is that she’s in second year and she’s an English major.

I’m gonna play this by ear and see where this goes. I’m usually not afraid of asking for girl’s numbers, but this is different, if she rejects me, or gives me her number and doesn’t reply, it would definitely be awkward seeing her in class over and over again. However, fortune favours the brave.

Melissa Epilogue

As my friends and I leave the club, there is a certain ephemeral, euphoric feeling coming over me following the events that just transpired. I finally got my first kiss, after 19 years, one goal of mine is finally achieved. I’ve been waiting for this moment for years. I wish I was sober so I would’ve been able to enjoy it more, but if it wasn’t for the booze I probably wouldn’t have had the confidence to do what I did. It’s weird because this euphoric feeling lasted for a very short amount of time, as soon as I realized what happened, the feeling had already subsided and I was back to being my normal self again. The self that I was two hours ago before.

This experience made me realize two things. Firstly, I realized that in this world, we’re born alone and we die alone, everything else is background noise. What’s in between is an illusion or a distraction to stray you away from the truth. This inherent feeling of loneliness is felt once in a while. It might come about once you’re driving alone in the car, late at night when there’s no traffic and you come to a red light and notice the stillness of everything. You notice the cold, indifference of the universe and you have that feeling inside of you that you are truly alone as an individual. You might feel it while you’re on the bus and you have your headphones on, staring at the person across from you and you look around and realize, nobody cares about you except for you. Nobody cares about my well-being and success besides me. Everyone on this bus is a complete stranger with the same inherent feeling of loneliness. Their yearning for meaning and belonging.

Secondly, this experience made me realize how fleeting our desires are. Satisfaction is the death of desire. This might seem obvious but what does it mean below the surface? Desire is fleeting and whenever you really want something, it seems to elude you, and once you finally get it, you realize it’s not all that it seemed to be, or you don’t want it anymore. This is what happened with the kiss; I enjoyed it and all but after I got it, the desire obviously subsided so I had nothing to look forward to anymore. That burning desire that kept me going is gone. I’m no longer yearning for the desire to have a first kiss. I’ve heard that wanting something is better than actually having it, I never gave it much thought, but now I know it’s true.

I don’t feel any different, I’m still the same person and nothing really changed. My friends still treat me the same. Whether or not I got my first kiss, my friends would still be friends with me. They don’t respect me more just because I got the kiss. Interestingly, my life isn’t any better at all. If anything, this was just a personal psychological feat for me.

Now I have the even more difficult task of getting my first lay. I have something else to look forward to.

Melissa Part II

Once we got home, I texted Melissa saying, “It was nice meeting you, I hope you and your friends got home safe.” She replied before I put my phone back down with, “Thanks, it was nice meeting you too.” This was at 3:30 in the morning mind you. I never responded to her message because I was tired and wanted to sleep.

Fast forward to tonight: we do the same thing we did last night (pre-drinking at my buddy’s house) and we plan to go to a club this time. Once we arrived at the club, I see the longest line I’ve  ever seen for a club in my life. I don’t know why it was so busy. It was the most annoying thing ever. Not only was the line long but it was wide too. Surprisingly we run into Melissa and her friends in line–which is something I was not expecting at all and I’m not sure if I really wanted to see her again. So we start chatting and she asks me why I didn’t respond to her text message last night. I’m not sure if I answered her question or if I just deflected it. I think I just ignored the question [frame control]. We start talking again and we realize we’re not gonna get into this club. She invites my friends and I to her loft (she’s mutual friends with my friend) but my friends didn’t really want to go for some reason. I guess they wanted to go clubbing, and if we went to her house it would only be benefiting me and not them (only one of her friends are hot). As opposed to taking one for the team, my friends didn’t wanna come to her house, even though I tried pushing them to. She lives on the other side of town and I don’t live in this city so I don’t know how to get back to my friend’s house, so I decided not to go (a decision I deeply regret).

After realizing, we’re not going back to her place with her friends and since we’re not gonna get into this bar, my friends and I decide to go to another bar near his house. She invites herself. It looks like this girl is very interested in me and is trying really hard. We take a cab to the dive bar, and in the cab she’s sitting next to me and I don’t remember what I said to make her call me a sexist but she does. I respond with, “I’m not a sexist, I’m a misogynist.” She asks me what a misogynist is. There’s no way a girl woman at her age (20) should not know what a misogynist is. At this point, it’s pretty clear this girl is not intelligent.

As we get to the bar, for some reason she stops talking to me. I run into another girl who I’ve only seen once in my life before–which was a year ago–but it was nice to see her again and I started talking to her. I’m not sure if this is what triggered her to stop talking to me but she did. She probably got jealous. I wasn’t trying to hit on this girl at all, her boyfriend was also there so I wouldn’t try anything in front of him. She starts paying attention to my friend and I see her sitting on his lap…I was confused and didn’t know what to make of it.

My friend later tells me that it looked like I was hitting on this girl and it was quite possible that’s why Melissa stopped talking to me.

Nothing else happened that night with Mel. I realized I let a good opportunity slip through the cracks and I should’ve capitalized on my chances and focused on my main target (Melissa). Yes I know I’m stupid and I made a colossal mistake. I text her a week later and no response. Pain is the best teacher and sometimes we have to learn lessons the hard way. Although, this is a lesson that shouldn’t have been learned.